Remember me, when you are happy, honor me with a smile, don't let the mention of my name always make you frown, I was more that my last moments, think of me as by your side, I lived a life I was proud of I didnt have to hide, I knew love and joy, I was a happy guy, dont let my leaving always bring you down, I was more than my last moments, so honor me with your smile. In honor of my Son William I will love you forever. I don't want another pretty face I don't want just anyone to hold I don't want my love to go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul You're the one I want to chase You're the one I want to hold I won't let another minute go to waste I want you and your beautiful soul for I am empty without my Son's. I love them so...........

Four long suffering years, four years too long. My love for you grows stronger with every breath I take. I will never rest in peace till we are together again. I love you and miss you so much. Hear my love to you forever.

Mom

HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY ALAN

Your 3rd Birthdate in heaven my dear sweet Son, I miss you more and more with every passing moment.  You are truly my heart.                

XO XO XO XOX XOX XOX XO XOX XOXXO

MY BIRTHDAY BOY NOW & FOREVER. TIME WON'T EVER ERASE THE MEMORIES AND ALL THE THOUGHTS OF YOU

YOUR SECOND EASTER TOGETHER IN HEAVEN

HAPPY EASTER MY PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL SONS.

I do not know where I come from
Or where I am to go.
True, this fate is less than some
And more than some can know.

My Alan, My Billy, my sons - you both I miss
But we shall meet someday
In the kingdom where angels kiss
To chase the clouds away.

I love you & miss you beyond tears

  VALENTINES DAY 

Dreams take me to another place and time
when my life had reason and rhyme.
I was so happy and had so much love...
God sent me a couple of gentle 'doves'

You loved us so, more than anyone
I will ever again know……….
Longing for you and for you my Son’s
Holding your hands, touching your faces
Missing your hugs and warm embraces.
When will the waiting ever be over? 
   For as long as were apart

 I can never be whole
Oh! My Dearest Alan & Billy
I just want you both to know
That my heart is aching because
"I'M MISSING YOU SO…….

You never had to say anything Alan
I could 'feel' the love without
a word being said...

I miss those times, those precious days
but no one can take the memories away
'My Angels' you will always both be...
from now until eternity...


A YEAR AGO

I miss you more today then yesterday. They say time heals. But how do you mend a broken heart? How can it be that a year has passed without you in our life. A life saddened by your death. The aloneness and the grief always there. The pain of never seeing you again still hurts me. I am so alone, so miserable without you my Son. Over a year of tears, never wanting to stop flowing from my eyes. My life has changed and it will never be the same again. You are not here to share the every day with. You are not here to see your family that has grown.



I look at Amanda, and I see the emptiness in her eyes when she talks about you. Trying to keep your memory alive. I hate that she is so sad. When we are together, she says"Grandma, I miss my Dad". And it makes me angry that this child had to lose someone so early in her life.. Someone who she loved so much



Amanda is almost 14 years old. She is like you in everyway. She has your hair, your smile and sometimes I can see you in her eyes. I know that there is a spiritual connection. ". How I wish that I could see the both of you together. She truly is our special Angel.

This last year has been tough on your daughter Amanda. How it hurts me more than anything to see her pain. There is nothing I can do to take that pain away. She was "Daddy's little Girl". She needs her father. She clings to memories as they are all she has. It keeps you close to her. How I remember when she was young, how she would always be near you. Asking you so many questions. You would dote on her. You two ended up having a beautiful relationship. You loved her so much. She was the light in your eyes. If I could only bring you back to her. How I wish....
.
Josh still misses his brother, father & best friend. He misses all the wonderful times you both shared. He tries to hide his feelings, his hurt. But I can see that empty void in his heart. .

 I know you would be proud of your namesake. He looks just like you. I know you certainly would be proud of your son. How I remember who ever you met or spoke to, you would go on and on about your son's. How you beamed with love and pride. I miss our family Alan for so much has changed. No one really see's the true pain in my heart.

For me, I am alone now all of the time. I am missing you every day of my life.You were my first born Son. How does one forget that. You were so much a part of my life. Your death is something I just cannot get over. Life has been very hard for me.. I don’t even know what tomorrow will be bring. I only know that It brings more tears, more pain. When I awaken each day, you are the first thing i think about. And when I go to sleep, I hold my pillow and close my eyes. And I wish, hope this is really a bad dream and I will wake up. But when i awaken, you are still not there. I've lost my Son’s companionship forever. 

Now it is a battle of loneliness. Being at home, enjoying a peaceful afternoon alone with no interruptions was a welcomed respite. Being at home with the knowledge that the front door will never be opened and you not being there can be totally overwhelming. 
 

These are things we take for granted through the years of family & togetherness, these sounds. Once alone, the quiet from the disappearance of these familiar sounds can be deafening. When you children left and went out on their own, there was a quietness I  have not experienced in many years, since the death of your brother Billy. When a Son dies, we are alone. We hear only our own footsteps, our own voice. After years of togetherness we no longer hear the comforting words of a child, to which we have grown accustomed. 

You are gone, no longer at my side. I walked through the steps of grief, numbly, and once the initial shock of loss has left , I realize that the mornings alone are but a beginning to a life living without you....the one on whom I could always depend on. The one with whom we had planned a future is no longer there to share and shape the hopes and dreams of coming years. This sorrowful realization is devastating.

I am so angry. I want to ask
at what ever higher power that controls our destiny..WHY!!, you made a big mistake. This man was only good. All he cared about was his family. He was a simple man, just small things made him happy. He didn't need anything else. Why did you take him? He was robbed of life, his future and his family. 

I miss him so much. There is such a thing as a "broken heart" . It is the most painful, yet invisible wound a human can endure. It literally hurts to breathe, it hurts to move and most of all, there is no cure for that broken heart except time. maybe. No pill can erase the memories of a once happy life that will never be again. No medicine to dull the throbbing ache from every song on the radio, every Mother & Son that passes holding hands, every reminder of what you will never have.

The pain of losing a Son is so far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. There is a connection, and once that connection is broken, your life is never the same again. I can say that we lived thru sickness and health, for richer and poorer, the good and bad times. I just never dreamed death would us part." 

Your death has left a gaping hole in my life.
Yes, I miss you, I am lonely without you Alan. I am devastated that you were taken from your family and children. I am angry that I wasn't there when you slipped away. It was so hard to see you in the hospital helpless for 28 days. I felt betrayed by fate for doing this.



But that’s not how I will remember you. I will always remember you full of life and warmth and kindness. I will remember your strength. I will remember the laughter and the love. I will remember the precious time we shared. I will remember your vitality and your . You are the brightest star in the sky. You are in the faces of your children and brothers and sister.


One year ago today I lost my darling Son Alan.....My soul is calling out for you Alan.. One year ago today I held you in my arms, one last beat of your heart, one kiss, but never goodbye.
I love you Alan... And I will "Never forget Love" and I will never forget YOU!
There’s no greater Love than a Mother and her son
“And I vow that TIME WON'T EVER ERASE THE MEMORIES AND ALL THE THOUGHTS OF YOU, till I die"...


xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo xo